How to help your child who is experiencing suicidal thoughts

First let me just say, however you responded in the moment is okay. 
If you overreacted in some way, responded with anger, or punishment I understand. 
Don't be afraid to apologize when you have done something from an emotional state, that you later regret. 
Parents are human too. 

If your child comes to you, or if you find out from another concerned adult such as a School Social Worker or School Counselor, that your child has expressed suicidal ideation, what can you do? 

• Listen- let your child talk to you about how they feel
• Believe- don't assume that your child is attention-seeking 
• Support- avoid punishment and ask how you can support them
• Inform- tell your child what you will do, such as locating a therapist or exploring hospitalization
• Breathe- it can be easy to react without thinking, breathe first
• Acknowledge- how are you feeling after learning what you have? Take the time to really acknowledge these feelings so that your words are not causing harm. 
• Be Kind- do not seek to blame yourself for this or assume others are judging you

In my years of working with children and their parents, I have often been the person to contact parents and inform them of their child's suicidal thoughts or actions. The responses have ranged from disbelief, anger, dismissiveness, and sadness. Often times parents want to know why their child is sad, depressed, anxious, and/ or suicidal. Occasionally parents will insist that their child tell them why they are upset, and if a reason cannot be identified the parent draws the conclusion, that the child must be wrong. I.e. "You have nothing to be sad about". Unfortunately, depression and other mental health conditions do not always have an identifiable cause. Or the person may be unable to put their feelings and thoughts into words. This does not make their feelings any less real. 

Do know that how you respond can have a big impact on your child. Your actions can lead to your child feeling supported and loved or disbelieved and burdensome. Don't be afraid to seek the help of others such as mental health professionals and medical professionals. Know that your child's mental health needs are not a sign of you "failing" as a parent. 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255

*Note this is not a diagnostic tool or replacement for mental health treatment. 

Getting what you didn't know you needed

 Last Saturday I received an email from a future participant asking for the link for my Dancing MIndfulness practice later that day. Somehow I had completely missed her registration. I had a list of things to accomplish that day and facilitating Dancing Mindfulness was not one of them. But because I believe in what I do, I did what needed to be done to make it happen. 

The happy by-product of this was that I ended up receiving a really lovely healing experience for myself and facilitating one for the participant. Isn't it wonderful how that happens at times? A seemingly unfortunate, slightly annoying, or even an oops moment turns out to be just what you needed. Even if you didn't know you needed it. 

Now I won't say "everything happens for a reason" because I don't believe in toxic positivity. But I will say that sometimes life surprises you and what initially seemed annoying turns out to be the highlight of your day. So now I look forward to things not going to plan. Last Saturday, I meditated with someone an ocean away, received the release I needed, and rested instead of accomplished. I have no regrets. 

SB