Trauma by now is a commonly used term. We know that it is a "bad reaction" that happens as a result of a "bad thing" happening to someone. But what do you consider a "bad thing"? And how does that line up with the person who experienced the "bad thing"?
I have presented to several groups of people over the years about trauma. Something that I like to make sure each group hears, is that trauma is an individualized reaction to a traumatic event. Only the person that experienced the event can make the decision about its ranking on their trauma scale. Though this decision is not a conscious one.
Most people would agree that witnessing a murder or being exposed to a sexual assault is traumatic. But not everyone would agree that viewing a telecast of a school shooting is traumatic, or that the words of someone that are not directly abusive can be traumatic. If the person that is witnessing the telecast identifies with the school shooting and interprets the coverage of proof of what could happen at their school, this could be traumatic. If the words that are spoken come from a person held in high regard or power over the person these words could be traumatic.
I have often heard people tell others not to let the words of others effect them, but that is not really a sensitive stance. I have personally been traumatized or negatively impacted simply by the words of others. I have never purposefully allowed this to be so. I would very much have liked to have let the words go in one ear and out the other. If only that is how the brain worked. Yes that car almost ran me off the road, but it didn't so my heart can stop pounding now. Just thinking these things does not make them so. It also doesn't work in less life threatening situations.
The next time a child, friend, or family member comes to you with a story that they keep telling and you don't understand why it is still crippling them, I have a challenge for you. Listen to how they describe their feelings about the situation. Before you tell them to just get over it or not to let others dictate their life going forward, empathize with them. It sounds like that situation really impacted you in ways I don't understand. What do you think could help alleviate its impact?
If you are the person who has been set back by words or situations others don't view as a "big deal" be understanding. Not only with the people in your life but also with yourself. Try to work through the situation, what are the thoughts associated with it? What are your feelings about the situation? Why was it so hard on you? Then begin the healing, not the "getting over it".
Respect your feelings they mean something.
