What we get wrong about trauma

Trauma by now is a commonly used term. We know that it is a "bad reaction" that happens as a result of a "bad thing" happening to someone. But what do you consider a "bad thing"? And how does that line up with the person who experienced the "bad thing"?

I have presented to several groups of people over the years about trauma. Something that I like to make sure each group hears, is that trauma is an individualized reaction to a traumatic event. Only the person that experienced the event can make the decision about its ranking on their trauma scale. Though this decision is not a conscious one.

Most people would agree that witnessing a murder or being exposed to a sexual assault is traumatic. But not everyone would agree that viewing a telecast of a school shooting is traumatic, or that the words of someone that are not directly abusive can be traumatic. If the person that is witnessing the telecast identifies with the school shooting and interprets the coverage of proof of what could happen at their school, this could be traumatic. If the words that are spoken come from a person held in high regard or power over the person these words could be traumatic.

I have often heard people tell others not to let the words of others effect them, but that is not really a sensitive stance. I have personally been traumatized or negatively impacted simply by the words of others. I have never purposefully allowed this to be so. I would very much have liked to have let the words go in one ear and out the other. If only that is how the brain worked. Yes that car almost ran me off the road, but it didn't so my heart can stop pounding now. Just thinking these things does not make them so. It also doesn't work in less life threatening situations.

The next time a child, friend, or family member comes to you with a story that they keep telling and you don't understand why it is still crippling them, I have a challenge for you. Listen to how they describe their feelings about the situation. Before you tell them to just get over it or not to let others dictate their life going forward, empathize with them. It sounds like that situation really impacted you in ways I don't understand. What do you think could help alleviate its impact?

If you are the person who has been set back by words or situations others don't view as a "big deal" be understanding. Not only with the people in your life but also with yourself. Try to work through the situation, what are the thoughts associated with it? What are your feelings about the situation? Why was it so hard on you? Then begin the healing, not the "getting over it".

Respect your feelings they mean something.

Social Work Month Prize Pack Winner

And the winner is...... Roseanna


This past social work month I held a giveaway. I had plans to send out the prize pack to the winner shortly after the winner was announced. But life got in the way.
It was a big lesson for me that those who spend so much time giving to others can get lost in the shuffle at times. I have taken time to self care and recoup and have shipped out the prize pack.

This is the second annual gift giving I have done. I feel that Social Work Month is the perfect time to recognize other social workers and encourage their self care.

I asked Roseanna to share a few words that I could post for others. She had this to say: "So glad to win social work resources and swag ;). As a profession we often spend more money on work than treating ourselves. Thanks for taking time to recognize the heart we put in all we do <3"

How do you give back to others?
How do you take care of yourself?

Anger in children

Do you remember the old school adage that children

should be seen and not heard?

 

Well throw it out of your mind while parenting today.

 

 

The more we study about what children need the more we see how important it is to actually help children appropriately express themselves in healthy ways.

 

Anger in children often speaks to some trouble expressing the emotions that underline the more easy to express anger that they present.

 

The people over at Success Street are offering a free live teleconference (Wednesday at 8PM eastern) regarding helping children deal with anger. For more details on this and to register visit here.

 

You can also see more about books that help children deal with anger here.

Children's Books That Address Emotions

In my role as a play therapist I often search for different ways to introduce emotions into my sessions. Often children are pressured to "behave" regardless of how they are feeling. While this is a good skill to have (imagine acting on those thoughts you have about other drivers on the highway)  it  does not validate the child's right to have the feeling they are having. All of us have emotions.

How useful is it when someone tells you to "just cheer up" when you are feeling sad. What about when someone tells you to "calm down" when you are ANGRY? So you do understand how children feel after all.

I did a search, as I often do, to find good therapeutic books to bring into my sessions. I then looked up the price for the books and decided to look for another option. I decided to try my local library but the majority of the well established books out there were not in the libaray. Below are the books that I found at my local library.

Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes

Wemberly and her constant worries came up in the therapeutic book search I had done. I enjoyed using this with a child who is similar to Wemberly but doesn't identify with her yet. The child was able to see how Wemberly worked herself up but also how the comments from the adults in her life didn't really help how she was feeling. I enjoyed this book and would really recommend it to parents and therapists alike. I may break down and purchase it for my own library.
This is my own art work created while the child and I processed the book. I would not breach the child's confidentiality by sharing her work.

The Day Leo Said I Hate You! by Robie H. Harris

This book was a hidden treasure found at the library. I found while using this book in session that it explores so much more than just anger. Remorse, frustration, impatience, mischief, and love are all very much alive in this story about Leo and his mom. I love to use art as a form of reflection and expression. Again my work done parallel to a child in session.

All of the emotions that we identified in the session

Another find I was happy to find was....

The Eensy Weensy Spider Freaks Out! by Troy Cummings

I have not yet been able to use this book in session but found that it covers insecurity in a very cool way. The spider, with the help of a friend, finds her bravery and adventrous side again by the end of the book.

I will share more books as I find them as I believe this is a great addition to a child's education.

Preventing suicide with talk?

I am sure everyone has known someone that has been down or clinically depressed in their lifetime. 

Many times you may suggest that person "talk to someone" or get those emotions out. 

But what about those that are suffering from thoughts of suicide or those who have actually tried to die by suicide?

A Danish study that followed participants for 20 years found that "those who received therapy were 27 percent less likely to attempt suicide again" after their first attempt. 

This is very good news because though many of us know that talking about what is troubling us 

can help, this is the first study of its kind to really look into how talk therapy (counseling) really

impacts the rate of further suicide attempts. 

If you know someone who is suicidal please don't just suggest that they go talk to someone. 

Offer yourself and offer this number 1-800-273-8255 or website for further help. 

I personally have known someone that attempted suicide, and have had someone close to me

die by suicide. 

Knowing now there is proof that therapy reduces the likelihood of another attempt makes me feel

much better about my chosen career and being able to help others, not just clients with this in the 

future. 

Tell me have you been impacted by depression or suicide?

Edited March 25, 2022, to correct outdated language in regard to suicide. 

What to do about stress

Stress is a normal part of life that we all expereince. 

Many studies and literature I have read tell us that stress is what makes use get up and get to work and do other things we MUST do. At times though this stress can be overwhelming leading to poor judgment and distress. There are many things that we can do to manage stress (exercise, freeze and not doing anything, overeat, sleep, talk to a friend or therapist). Today I want to introduce a healthy option you may not have tried. Deep breathing.

Yes I know you are breathing as we speak, but when we don't feel our best we are likely not breathing our best either. Read here for more tips and watch here for a 13 minute class that will lead you through it. 

Please let me know how this works for you and share what is stressing you out at the moment.  

Proof that words can hurt

 As a former CPS worker it was often difficult when there was a case of emotional abuse to show the harm it had caused. Physical abuse has physical proof but words also hurt, though psychological abuse is not just using mean words. It can be demeaning, making someone feel less than and so many other things. Neglect is also a powerful factor in issues developing in children. Whether it is intentional or based on a lack of resources the child could be affected.



This article is a call to action for preventative services for children that suffer emotional abuse and neglect. Please take the time to read it. 

Source

Childhood psychological abuse as harmful as sexual or physical abuse